For what son is there whom his father does not discipline? If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons." For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives.' It is for discipline that you have to endure. Hebrews 12:5–8 says, "And have you forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons? 'My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, nor be weary when reproved by him.
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As believers, we experience tough love from God. Our love is founded in God's love and should be patterned after it (John 13:34–35 1 John 4:16–21). Have you ever enacted godly boundaries with a difficult relative? That is tough love. Tough love occurs between families as well. If we try to correct others without love, we are simply being judgmental (Matthew 7:1–5), but when we do so in love, we are fulfilling one of our Christian duties (1 Timothy 5:1–2 Galatians 6:1).
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Have you ever had to confront a friend about a pattern of sin or a harmful behavior in his or her life? It is unpleasant to do so, but we confront because we want our friend to be free from the bonds of sin. Tough love occurs in adult relationships as well. We do the tough things because we love them. We discipline children because we care for them and want to equip them for life as an adult. In love, and with God's wisdom, proper discipline can help train a child in the ways of God and will ultimately lead to better things (Proverbs 22:6 Hebrews 12:11). Apart from love, discipline is selfish and can rapidly become abusive or neglectful. Equally, it is tough love when a parent at times chooses not to rescue a child from negative consequences.
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Have you ever heard, or even said, "this hurts me more than it hurts you" as a child is disciplined? When parents choose to do the hard work of disciplining a child, even when it inconveniences them or hurts them to have their child suffer negative consequences, that is tough love. Nathan spoke the truth to David in such a way that David became immediately repentant. When King David committed adultery and had his lover's husband killed, the prophet Nathan was the only one who confronted him about his sin (2 Samuel 12). Wiersbe said, "Truth without love is brutality, and love without truth is hypocrisy." Tough love often includes actions as well as words, but the general idea is that, no matter how difficult to receive or share, truth needs to be communicated and acted upon due to love. Biblical examples of tough love include Nathan confronting King David about his sin (2 Samuel 12) and various proverbs about disciplining children (for example, Proverbs 13:24).Īnother way to conceptualize "tough love" is the concept of speaking the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15). The Bible says that such actions should always be driven by love.
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We generally think of tough love as taking the hard approach to discipline, refusing to enable harmful behavior, or calling out the error of others. "Tough love" is willingness to do the "tough" things out of a heart of love. What does the Bible teach about tough love?